uuuuhhhh......hhmmmmm...... Is this thing on?


It seems like a life time ago, another life maybe. We all lead those, don't we? I know I'm not the same person I was 6 years ago, 2 years ago, we will even go two weeks ago, and I'm fine by that. It's called evolving and  I am thankful that I am not the same person I was, even just yesterday, because that is the gift, right? A new start, every day. A new you, every day. Every day I wake up with ambition, thankful for the ability to accomplish and get things done and..... every day, I lay my eyes to rest wondering if I did enough, did I accomplish enough? Actually, it is EVER enough. I  lay in bed wondering if I gave it my all; if I failed because that 3rd load of laundry didn't get folded or if there are 4 freaking dishes left in the damn sink, will that matter or did I fail?  Or did I actually Accomplish? I did work pretty hard during the whole entire day. I did gave it my all.

With failure comes lessons, if you are silent enough to listen. If I  gave it my all, I absolutely succeeded, even if success means; washing dishes, laundry, piano lessons, homework, a 40 minute run, speech therapy, listening to my kid sing " My Only Sunshine" for the 12 th time that evening, even though she can only speak every 3rd word.... that's success, right? Yea, I do believe it is.


And so this happens, I find this old blog. A Failure, because I can't say that I ever really tried to keep it up to date, but also, an accomplishment because, hey!!.....It's still here and I did happen to write a few things. And with it comes a lesson.

As I look back on these old post, the sprinkling few that are here, I am accomplished. I am the same person I have always been. I have the same interests, the same intellect, the same inspiration, the same goals, the same dreams. And that, is success. My Lesson. I have deviated,  but I haven't veered off track to lose sight. I still have the same values, principles, goals, dreams and ideas and even though life has changed, I am still the same. I am still a mamma to three, one in college and 2 with a very rare gene mutation and mitochondrial disorder, I am still an athlete. I still love good beer, wine, exceptionally good food, homemade clean eating and Paleo foods.  I am still a gym rat and triathlete at heart. I still love the same. I am still who I am, at my core......but I have changed, life has changed and I wonder.....
Almost a poll, if you dare.... Do you find that you are the same? Have you always wanted the same things? Have the same Principles? Known what you have wanted out of life? But, Somehow, you got screws over, life changed, it didn't work out as you planned, but life, your goals, your dreams.... are still the same.

Or do you shift in the wind?

For Me? It's simple. Let me love my kids, provide the best that there can ever be for them, and give me the  ability, time and strength to do so. Nourish those kiddos and myself with whole food goodness and let us be as active as we can be. Love God and serve him only. And honestly, that's all I ask out of life.

What is it that you ask for?

Or are you brave enough to know?


I'd like to know.

Mine?    It has always seemed like a simple plan, but life keeps you guessing, makes you keep holding on, and that in itself, is a lesson.

My lesson...... keep being you. Who I am.

Because after 43 years, I am strong enough to hold tight and hold my own.


I'm not sure I knew that 8 years ago, 6 years ago, 2 years ago....... last week

But I definitely know it now.

Don't believe the Hype

Sometimes we drop and hit a bottom. We all do. Everyone of us. I don't care who you are, there is always self doubt. It's pushing past that self doubt that makes us  who we are.

I hit it this morning. That stage of past tired, past giving it my all. Sinking toward the bottom and I'm  the girl who usually rallies everybody up.

Screaming, hollering, waving my hands in the air like I don't give a damn, make some nonsense for my people, kinda girl.
That's who I am.

The tank runs dry sometimes though. It did this morning and out of that came goodness, in the least likely of places.

It's not socially correct. It's not rainbows, butterflies and sunshine. It is truth.

It is a convo between a friend.
I'd thought I would share:

Me: Things I want to tweet: OH FUCKING CHRIST- you people cannot be this inspirational      every fucking day.
Does this make me a bad person?

Friend: No, this does not make you a bad person. I hate all that shit too.

Me: K.....just confirming my sanity

Friend: I'm here for you. I get the wanting to be positive bit and posting it all the time. Makes you seem like a peace and love hippie.

Me: Or full of shit

Friend: Yup

Me: Unless people are in that point in their lives that they are super happy. I get it. I have been there too.  And others, not. Just seem like there are those that JOYFULLY WORKOUT ALL THE TIME. I am being mean.

Friend: You are not being mean. You are being honest, it's patronizing and not for all athletes. You need to acknowledge the struggles and failures. It what makes you better.

Me: Yuuuuuup. It sucks to go out there A LOT of the time, but we do. It's what makes us find our strong.

Friend: Yuuuuuuuuup. Growth doesn't come from happy and succeeding, it comes from anger and failing. Make THAT a fucking bumper sticker.

Me: I fail A LOT. I pick myself A LOT. You're right. A great fucking bumper sticker.


As I am starting * Think and Grow Rich*  (insert happy here) and reading the first chapter about success and failure, never giving up, this all makes sense.

My friend is right. It's not always happy.

So, instead of sulking in my fruit loops. ( I don't actually eat those, although I DESPERATELY wish I could) My light came from an unlikely text from an unlikely person. A true athlete.

Pick yourself up. Don't believe the hype and MOVE, girl.

March ON.

Even as a coach, a mom, a rallier......

We all need to hear that from time to Time.

Roots And the Split Pea.

Mention a root vegetable and I am hooked and although beets are my favorite, it is not the time of year for their spunk. Turnips, Parsnips and carrots are still bountiful in winter and are hearty to chilly day soups.  Great fiber and slow digesting carbs, you kinda got to love them.

So today I warmed up the kitchen with a split pea soup. Colorful to cook, easy to make and a wonder to taste. Peas are a great source of protein in this soup along with the turkey. Love meals in a bowl, simple and good. 

This recipe is from Tosca Reno's "The Eat Clean" cookbook. My tastebuds wanted a little sweetness to it so I added nutmeg, and I added a bit more peas than what the recipe called for. I like it real big and chunky.

6 Tbsp OVO
3 Med carrots - I used 4
 3 large parsnips- again, a few more
 2 Med leeks - I used 4 ( love leeks)
1/2 cup fresh cilantro
2 1/2 tsp dried thyme
 2 tsp dried marajoram
 3 bay leaves
 11 cups chicken broth - I used 13 due to the extra veggies
 3 cups dried split peas
1 1/2 roasted turkey great, bone in

1. Heat ovo in heavy stockpot over low heat. Add root vegetables and dried herbs. Cover and cook until veggies are soft, about 20 minutes. 

2. Add all chicken stock, peas and roasted meat. Simmer, partially covered and cook until peas are tender and the soup begins to thicken a little. This takes about 45 minutes.

 3. Remove turkey and cut meat into 1 inch cubes. Disard the bone and remove bay leaves. Return meat to soup and serve.

Focus, Purpose and Addiction

There is fun in addiction, but there is also chaos, and last week chaos ruled supreme. It spun out of control. I never realized it while it is happening. I'm to busy in the day to day activities that must be accomplished to stop and think. Oh, that is why I am so sporadic and attention needy this week. Where did I come unglued? As much as my social media sites must portray a girl who flies by the seat of her pants, I am one that must have organization and order. This week it seemed to all come unraveled. It was time to stop, gather thoughts and focus.

My first thought, was were did this come from? A bit of anxiety. Ahhh.... Monday came with an trip to Indy for the girls doctor's appointments. I am accustomed to fighting these out alone. There have been some horrendous trips to Indy and several of those trips resulting in many a tears in the car ride home. The last year though, they have been relatively calm. Nothing more than a gait analysis and med checks for the girls. Mondays visit brought a surprise. It comes in a fog, as most of the horrors do, but what I heard was Baclofen pumps, new medication and the spasticity is worsening. The first time I had heard that they were not progressing ,but a bit of regression. Baclofen Pumps, I was told, are discs surgically inserted into my precious children's belly's with a tube that wraps around their side internally to inject medicine directly into their spinal cord. My precious children.

My girls are old enough and mature enough to know what another surgery means. At this point they are horrified of them, we have been through so many. Needless to say, it was another long car ride home trying to calm my feeling while doing the same for my girls. Keep Strong, it's all I kept saying over and over. Be Strong. The medicine will help, the pump will help. We will keep moving forward. Keep Strong. You have to, for your own sanity and for your girls. 

It's taken four days to process it all, to comprehend the message that the spasticity is progressing, to accept it and make a plan. Focus. Find purpose, girl. You may be temporary defeated, but you are never down. You came unglued this week for a reason, you were delivered a blow. It's okay to crash, fall down, but now it's time to get back up. It's time to focus and reorganize.

My Plan:

 I find I wear way to many hats. Hats I enjoy wearing, they are sparkly and fun and full of life. Derby hats, but life cannot always be a party. A momma, wife, triathlete dealing with a reconstructive foot injury, Office Manager, running and triathlon coach, and aspiring bikini/figure competitor. Whew. Throw in that I cook all our meals daily, organic and clean. I have little time to spare. I am a proud Polar Ambassador, and part of Team Fitbody and PRSFIT. I have a few obligations. 

This is where the addiction kicks in. In order to give my personal best to all my responsibilities,I must cut down on social media sites. I find I log into Twitter, Facebook, Google plus at least 4-5 times a day. Just not productive and I find that I cannot express what I want to say on those platforms.I end up reading others post and get lost in what I was going about doing. It's an addiction. My media sites do not serve a purpose, do not have focus and it's time to change that.

My solution to this all is to limit my time on social media and connect with those who I find inspiring and whom I have built relationships with. Hub it all to my blog. 

Here is my purpose:

Family First

Blog at least weekly on subjects that inspire and interest me. Triathlon, Running, coaching, my athletes, bikini comps, healing an injury, food, and a healthy living lifestyle. They are most important to me and what my life revolves around, besides my family.

Keep it simple. Use the blog as my main media and stick to the subject matter that supports that. 

Enjoy Life.

It was a wake up call this week that I need to get my head out of my phone, Xoom and computer and go enjoy my family. Not an abandonment, but a restructure of my original purpose. Sometimes it takes a wake up call to bring you back to that. Mine came this week in a lot of self realization. It's time to bring it all home. Enjoy your social Media, it has brought you good friends and a great career, just don't be consumed by it. Go Be Strong, girl. Enjoy life and most importantly the life that  exist outside the virtual world. 

As a coach, I need to know a lot about my clients. Daily stats, pretty HR charts, elevation, cadence and pace are handy, but most beneficial, is mental attitude. It’s why, as coaches, we ask for daily logs. We can see stressors both physically and mentally, in not only your workouts, but daily life as well.  That affects training and racing.

My clients work hard, put in long training hours, and know what it takes to perform optimally. They ask their bodies daily to give it their best, to push forward. They ask it to slow down for endurance, to speed up for tempo and to go long, hard distances. A lot is being asked of our bodies both mentally and physically while training, and most do it out there alone. It may be on a lonely country road, a road that they have put hundreds and hundreds of miles on already. They know the routine, they know the scenery, they are out there for one purpose and that is to train their body and their mind, to accomplish their goals, and to build dreams and even the most stalwart can lose a bit of mental focus.

So, I am asking my clients this week to write down what motivates them. They need a hard copy. Write it down and keep it on display somewhere so, on those days that negativity slips in, the pool seems to cold, the trainer to boring and the dreadmill to monotonous, they have a reminder. It is something that triggers the GO button. A reminder of why they do what they do and how that feels.

Here is what I am asking my clients this week, and as a coach it will help me as well.

List three things that motivate you in your training

1.

2.

3.

List Three Race feelings that you have been through

1.

2.

3.

List 3 task goals that you would like to accomplish during “off” season i.e. I want to site every 5 strokes, I want to lower my resting HR rate.

1.

2.

3.

Name 3 visualizations that you can use in a race.  I.e. Be a Locomotive

1.

2.

3.

Write Down 3 Mantras.  I.e.  I am Strong

1.

2.

3.

3 Anchors that motivate you: This could be a song lyric, color. Something that changes negative space to positive.

1.

2.

3.

These will change as training changes. It’s all for growth. As you change, re-write them, keep them current and USE THEM.

Pain, NOLA and the tears that refuse to come.

I have been dealing with a lot of pain lately. The dull, constant pain that one tends to ignore and push through. The kind that mentally wears you down, more than physically. I narrowed it down to my knee. It would lock completely on runs, the same as it did at Phoenix Rock and Roll Half. No worries, I thought. I have noticed my runs gradually getting slower since that race and my bike was a constant all out effort lately. Winter blahs, I thought, push through it. Keep it Going. You delivered a 10 pd, 8oz kid with a big noggin, NATURALLY!! YOU GOT THIS! Piece of cake. I thought it was just a joint mouse, the meniscus. Damage done, nothing I could do except train and race with some pain until season ends. I may be a tad stubborn. A tad determined.  It's what gets me through. These are suppose to be good qualities, right?

Last Tuesday, I was on a run and at mile 3 my knee and body said " Sorry girl, you are done" Damn YOU! NO! You have already screwed me with 3 stress fractures in the last 2 years. Come on! Play Fair!  I flew out to Colorado for you, to learn HOW to run, proper form, and to teach others so, I didn't get stress fractures. I got that down. Why are you throwing me a curve ball? " NO" it replied "and since you are being such a ninny, I'm throwing in some IT band issues too." Fine. I'll just limp 3 miles home, grumble, bitch and schedule an MRI.

"Collateral ligament issues, Vastus Lateralis Musculatural possible tear and your IT band is severally inflamed" Came the doctor's voice today. Oh, is that all? Well, maybe I'm not such a big wuss after all. Shoot me up, doc and girl is all good, right? Apparently, no.

A Huge defeat. I knew it was coming. Even though I would not admit it verbally, I knew in the back of my mind what was going to evolve. It was not total denial, an ignorance is bliss ordeal. I was pondering, scheming. I just wouldn't verbalize it. I'm running at a 2 minute per mile slower pace, I knew something was up. My heart just didn't want to hear the answer.

NOLA is out.  Indianapolis Half is out. OD'S to prepare are gone and Boise is just a dream. 4-6 weeks physical therapy and THEN I can gradually start training. A cortisone shot and lots of time in the pool with the buoy only. I can't bounce off the wall. SUCK. Oh, and in 3-4 weeks , you can aqua jog! Go Me. If therapy goes well, we can accomplish Colorado HIM. Alright, I'll take it but, in the meantime, I'm not going to sit around. There has to be fire. I will accept defeat  and all it's ugliness but, I will not accept depression. I will not sit. It's taken all weekend to ponder. I had to clear head space, get inside my head and sort, organize, not feel sorry and find my passion. It's been being chipped away at the last few months. Many better athletes than I work through pain daily, I understand but, it wears down your soul. You have to have a game plan girl.

 SO, here it is for all of you to see. You can all make me accountable. I started triathlon coaching 3 weeks ago and it is my responsibility to the 9 athletes that have hired me so far, to give them my best, make them the best athletes possible and help them achieve their goals. I ask that they trust me and that they listen and I ask them to work. To be inspired and to find heart. I expect nothing less from myself.
Your season just got jacked.  Yeah, your screwed. PICK IT UP GIRL. There are reasons that you cannot see yet but, everything does happen for purpose. Truly believe that. You do not have time to sulk.
4-6 weeks of therapy. I'm going back to my weights. My first love. How can I improve while healing? What can I do? I'm hitting my back, shoulders, arms and abs to the strictness of a Fitness model routine. I'm hitting them hard and I'm hitting them often. Building upper body and core will enhance my swim, save my legs even more for the swim. Pull, baby, Pull. Lean it out. I eat clean but, I mean a strict lean out. I'm cutting. Winter has been kind to me but, there is room for improvement. Strict diet. I'll cut 8-10 pounds. Competition weight baby. I have been there before. I have raced there before. It's entirely possible. Leaning it out will only help my performance in Colorado. I cannot race but, I'm not going to sit, especially if the cortisone and Naproxen takes away the edge of the pain. I'll come into Colorado leaner and stronger with hopefully 16 weeks to build into it. Not a bad plan and if I cut down lean enough and my legs stay in some semblance of shape, I may throw in a bikini/fitness competition in there, in June as well.  Nothing serious, just fun. Why not? I mean, who says that a girl can't have the best of both worlds. Just making the best out of the cards that I have been dealt. IT"S TIME TO GET INSPIRED and really who doesn't want to be able to bounce a quarter off their ass? It's all going to be ALL GOOD!

Jallopy and the tri-bike

 I was handed a large chunk of money this week, of which I have yet to deposit, with more on the way. A windfall. Go buy another car, I was told. I sucked in air. My car?  *Gasp*  Okay.... yes, I know it needs ANOTHER grand of work done to it but, it's paid for and it has all these fantastic stickers on the back!! The weather is warming which means the bike rack is going on the back and it fits perfectly. Do you know how long it took to earn those stickers? That's a right of passage! This is all just silly. It threw me into a panic!  I know.....I can buy all those stickers at my next event but, somewhere along the 3 years that I have owned my car, I fell ass deep in love with it. 

It's a pit, it's almost always dirty, there are forever at least 5-6 water bottles rolling around in the back, swim bag, gym bag, bike on the back. Crayons, school books, American girl dolls galore!  It's a chaotic mess, just like me. We have the same persona. We both have some age on us, we both still look hella good. I live in this car! It's my home. How can I give it up? It has, on the most part, been faithful to me and the one time it did fail, it died at a mall parking lot.  A mall parking lot!! A mall I wasn't even aiming for. It left me stranded at the mall for 4 hours. This car is good to me!! Do you see it's benefits?

 Now, I have to enforce the value of the statements I am making. My eyes literally roll back in ecstasy at that new car smell. A smellgasm for sure. Until this car,  I had to have a new one every 2 years.  A complete car snob. And now, I have found comfort in a car. I need to keep her. Hell, I even pose with this car. See above. I am a proud owner of stinky tri bag car. So, it was a no brainer. I'm bagging the money. It's hitting savings for a rainy day when she ( my car) decides she cannot handle me anymore. When I have finally wore her out and we have to part ways.

Instead, I am taking a part of that cash and buying another kind of ride. A tri-bike. My coach told me awhile back that triathletes are a rare breed. That they would drive up to a race with a bike that was twice the value of the car they roll up in. Maybe this makes me an official triathlete. It proves my dedication to the sport. An initiation. My bike is not going to be double the value of my car but, I bet if I resold each one of them separately they would bring in the SAME value. All I know is that I am more excited thinking about shopping for a tri-bike than a new car. 

So, in the next few weeks I will roll up to the sparkly tri-shop and buy myself a pretty sweet ride. I'll name her, my ride, and proudly put her on the back of my car and silently pray we make it all the way home.