Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Pain, NOLA and the tears that refuse to come.

I have been dealing with a lot of pain lately. The dull, constant pain that one tends to ignore and push through. The kind that mentally wears you down, more than physically. I narrowed it down to my knee. It would lock completely on runs, the same as it did at Phoenix Rock and Roll Half. No worries, I thought. I have noticed my runs gradually getting slower since that race and my bike was a constant all out effort lately. Winter blahs, I thought, push through it. Keep it Going. You delivered a 10 pd, 8oz kid with a big noggin, NATURALLY!! YOU GOT THIS! Piece of cake. I thought it was just a joint mouse, the meniscus. Damage done, nothing I could do except train and race with some pain until season ends. I may be a tad stubborn. A tad determined.  It's what gets me through. These are suppose to be good qualities, right?

Last Tuesday, I was on a run and at mile 3 my knee and body said " Sorry girl, you are done" Damn YOU! NO! You have already screwed me with 3 stress fractures in the last 2 years. Come on! Play Fair!  I flew out to Colorado for you, to learn HOW to run, proper form, and to teach others so, I didn't get stress fractures. I got that down. Why are you throwing me a curve ball? " NO" it replied "and since you are being such a ninny, I'm throwing in some IT band issues too." Fine. I'll just limp 3 miles home, grumble, bitch and schedule an MRI.

"Collateral ligament issues, Vastus Lateralis Musculatural possible tear and your IT band is severally inflamed" Came the doctor's voice today. Oh, is that all? Well, maybe I'm not such a big wuss after all. Shoot me up, doc and girl is all good, right? Apparently, no.

A Huge defeat. I knew it was coming. Even though I would not admit it verbally, I knew in the back of my mind what was going to evolve. It was not total denial, an ignorance is bliss ordeal. I was pondering, scheming. I just wouldn't verbalize it. I'm running at a 2 minute per mile slower pace, I knew something was up. My heart just didn't want to hear the answer.

NOLA is out.  Indianapolis Half is out. OD'S to prepare are gone and Boise is just a dream. 4-6 weeks physical therapy and THEN I can gradually start training. A cortisone shot and lots of time in the pool with the buoy only. I can't bounce off the wall. SUCK. Oh, and in 3-4 weeks , you can aqua jog! Go Me. If therapy goes well, we can accomplish Colorado HIM. Alright, I'll take it but, in the meantime, I'm not going to sit around. There has to be fire. I will accept defeat  and all it's ugliness but, I will not accept depression. I will not sit. It's taken all weekend to ponder. I had to clear head space, get inside my head and sort, organize, not feel sorry and find my passion. It's been being chipped away at the last few months. Many better athletes than I work through pain daily, I understand but, it wears down your soul. You have to have a game plan girl.

 SO, here it is for all of you to see. You can all make me accountable. I started triathlon coaching 3 weeks ago and it is my responsibility to the 9 athletes that have hired me so far, to give them my best, make them the best athletes possible and help them achieve their goals. I ask that they trust me and that they listen and I ask them to work. To be inspired and to find heart. I expect nothing less from myself.
Your season just got jacked.  Yeah, your screwed. PICK IT UP GIRL. There are reasons that you cannot see yet but, everything does happen for purpose. Truly believe that. You do not have time to sulk.
4-6 weeks of therapy. I'm going back to my weights. My first love. How can I improve while healing? What can I do? I'm hitting my back, shoulders, arms and abs to the strictness of a Fitness model routine. I'm hitting them hard and I'm hitting them often. Building upper body and core will enhance my swim, save my legs even more for the swim. Pull, baby, Pull. Lean it out. I eat clean but, I mean a strict lean out. I'm cutting. Winter has been kind to me but, there is room for improvement. Strict diet. I'll cut 8-10 pounds. Competition weight baby. I have been there before. I have raced there before. It's entirely possible. Leaning it out will only help my performance in Colorado. I cannot race but, I'm not going to sit, especially if the cortisone and Naproxen takes away the edge of the pain. I'll come into Colorado leaner and stronger with hopefully 16 weeks to build into it. Not a bad plan and if I cut down lean enough and my legs stay in some semblance of shape, I may throw in a bikini/fitness competition in there, in June as well.  Nothing serious, just fun. Why not? I mean, who says that a girl can't have the best of both worlds. Just making the best out of the cards that I have been dealt. IT"S TIME TO GET INSPIRED and really who doesn't want to be able to bounce a quarter off their ass? It's all going to be ALL GOOD!