Sunday, January 22, 2012

Focus, Purpose and Addiction

There is fun in addiction, but there is also chaos, and last week chaos ruled supreme. It spun out of control. I never realized it while it is happening. I'm to busy in the day to day activities that must be accomplished to stop and think. Oh, that is why I am so sporadic and attention needy this week. Where did I come unglued? As much as my social media sites must portray a girl who flies by the seat of her pants, I am one that must have organization and order. This week it seemed to all come unraveled. It was time to stop, gather thoughts and focus.

My first thought, was were did this come from? A bit of anxiety. Ahhh.... Monday came with an trip to Indy for the girls doctor's appointments. I am accustomed to fighting these out alone. There have been some horrendous trips to Indy and several of those trips resulting in many a tears in the car ride home. The last year though, they have been relatively calm. Nothing more than a gait analysis and med checks for the girls. Mondays visit brought a surprise. It comes in a fog, as most of the horrors do, but what I heard was Baclofen pumps, new medication and the spasticity is worsening. The first time I had heard that they were not progressing ,but a bit of regression. Baclofen Pumps, I was told, are discs surgically inserted into my precious children's belly's with a tube that wraps around their side internally to inject medicine directly into their spinal cord. My precious children.

My girls are old enough and mature enough to know what another surgery means. At this point they are horrified of them, we have been through so many. Needless to say, it was another long car ride home trying to calm my feeling while doing the same for my girls. Keep Strong, it's all I kept saying over and over. Be Strong. The medicine will help, the pump will help. We will keep moving forward. Keep Strong. You have to, for your own sanity and for your girls. 

It's taken four days to process it all, to comprehend the message that the spasticity is progressing, to accept it and make a plan. Focus. Find purpose, girl. You may be temporary defeated, but you are never down. You came unglued this week for a reason, you were delivered a blow. It's okay to crash, fall down, but now it's time to get back up. It's time to focus and reorganize.

My Plan:

 I find I wear way to many hats. Hats I enjoy wearing, they are sparkly and fun and full of life. Derby hats, but life cannot always be a party. A momma, wife, triathlete dealing with a reconstructive foot injury, Office Manager, running and triathlon coach, and aspiring bikini/figure competitor. Whew. Throw in that I cook all our meals daily, organic and clean. I have little time to spare. I am a proud Polar Ambassador, and part of Team Fitbody and PRSFIT. I have a few obligations. 

This is where the addiction kicks in. In order to give my personal best to all my responsibilities,I must cut down on social media sites. I find I log into Twitter, Facebook, Google plus at least 4-5 times a day. Just not productive and I find that I cannot express what I want to say on those platforms.I end up reading others post and get lost in what I was going about doing. It's an addiction. My media sites do not serve a purpose, do not have focus and it's time to change that.

My solution to this all is to limit my time on social media and connect with those who I find inspiring and whom I have built relationships with. Hub it all to my blog. 

Here is my purpose:

Family First
Blog at least weekly on subjects that inspire and interest me. Triathlon, Running, coaching, my athletes, bikini comps, healing an injury, food, and a healthy living lifestyle. They are most important to me and what my life revolves around, besides my family.
Keep it simple. Use the blog as my main media and stick to the subject matter that supports that. 
Enjoy Life.
It was a wake up call this week that I need to get my head out of my phone, Xoom and computer and go enjoy my family. Not an abandonment, but a restructure of my original purpose. Sometimes it takes a wake up call to bring you back to that. Mine came this week in a lot of self realization. It's time to bring it all home. Enjoy your social Media, it has brought you good friends and a great career, just don't be consumed by it. Go Be Strong, girl. Enjoy life and most importantly the life that  exist outside the virtual world. 

1 comment:

  1. Kristine - I can only imagine how you felt when typing this. But for what it's worth I am amazed by and admire your "this is how it's going to get done" attitude. You know what needs to be done. Take your hiatus from this stuff that really is not important and take care of business. Heck you'll probably really enjoy being unplugged.

    All the Best -
    John K.